Today marks SEVEN Years since the judge signed my Dissolution of Marriage Orders. Seven years since I became the sole, physical and legal guardian of my daughter with all the rights and responsibilities thereof. Seven years since the meaning of “We” no longer included him. Seven years since I was recognized by the law as a single individual again with the ability to make decisions as such.
Many think it is strange to celebrate this day. The “Death of a Marriage” some say. Why would you celebrate something so sad and devastating? Why would you mark this day in memory? You should not be so proud of a failure.
But still, I celebrate. To me, this day does not mark a failure. It marks the day I regained my freedom from a dangerous situation. I shattered the chains that locked me to a sociopathic anchor intent on drowning and smothering me. My marriage had ended long before the day the Judge signed the papers. He hurt me mentally, physically, spiritually. He took from me what he did not earn. He hurt me. He scarred me. He was not a good man to me. He was not a good father to my daughter. He was not good.
This day marks the day when I could begin the long hard journey to rediscovering who I was, who I wanted to be and who I am. It IS a day of celebration. It is a day of joy! It is a day to celebrate the new life my daughter and I have, free of the darkness that once held us and threatened to extinguish us. It is a day of liberation when the law dissolved the legal and economic relationship between us and him.
The seven years have been a struggle, but not because of the Dissolution. Seven years ago, I was scared. I was alone. I was thrilled. I was optimistic. I had a plan. Seven years ago I ran to the DMV to get a new license with my restored name. The clerk laughed because she could see the Judge had just signed the document that morning. Seven years ago I didn’t know how I was going to find myself and be what I wanted to be. I didn’t even remember what or who I wanted to be. I just knew I was free. Seven years ago I was struggling to keep him from invading my hard-earned freedom. Seven years ago, I wasn’t me. Seven years ago I was a new mother, with a new baby in a scary new world. Seven years ago, I knew that wasn’t the me I knew I needed to be.
Today, I am stronger. I am not so scared of everything. I am freer. I am smarter. I have rebuilt what was taken from me and shored up the foundation that was ripped from beneath my feet. I have my freedom. I have my daughter. I have my soul. I am still rediscovering myself and taking on new challenges. But I am doing it as me. Free.
The Dissolution was one of the best things that have ever happened for me and my daughter. We can play in our garden. We can eat the food we want to eat. We can dance as we want to dance. We can dress as we want. We can pursue the dreams we want. And we can smile again. I can smile again.
Dissolution Day is not a reason to be sad. It is a day to recognize the restoration of my freedom. It is a day to celebrate myself, my life and my future. It is a day to enjoy the love of my daughter, her smile, her laugh and her potential. It is a great day. And I am happy.
Today is my DISSOLUTION DAY and I am FREE!