Ugh. Suddenly feeling like a bad mom for no real good reason. Just listening to stories and seeing happy travel pictures of people I know, that have been able to take their kids places like Disney World, Paris and even the zoo. Granted they are all married and have had continuous and gainful employment since having said kid. It would make sense they could and should show their child the world. Since having my daughter, I have been divorced, moved across the country and suffered from chronic unemployment surviving on a next to nothing income.
Some would say it’s my fault and I didn’t try hard enough either to stay married, find a job, or any number of other “my fault” scenarios. Others would say I should quit school because a degree won’t help anyway. Accept my lot in life and quit trying to aspire for more. It’s only making things harder. Still even more would let her father off the hook for his parental responsibility and berate me for being a single mother who needs assistance to make the day-to-day.
It truly sucks scraping by on a prayer every month but I’m trying to believe I’m doing the right thing. I won’t fault families who can show their children all the world has to offer. I’m not jealous of families who take trips and visit zoos, museums and shows. I am striving to be the type of family that can show my daughter all the wonders of the world her mind can digest. I will continue to stay the course, finish the degree, seek continuous and gainful employment and housing that is more permanent. In my soul, I know it is the right thing to do for my daughter.
No, we don’t take trips. The zoo and museums are rare events and the one show we saw was an amazing and highly appreciated gift. My daughter knows she’s loved and that mommy is a hard worker. We laugh and giggle, assemble puzzles and Lego’s, pick flowers, share princess tea in her garden and everyday we sit down to eat and talk about our day. These things remind me that I am not a bad mom.
Some days are just harder than others.