Once again I find myself more than willing to offer comfort to a friend in need. One friend’s new boyfriend has left her wondering what she did wrong and why he won’t even give her the courtesy of a real break up. He sent a text message saying they needed to talk yet he hasn’t said anything else since nor made time to “dump her” in person. He just faded away.
Another friend also recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend in a more dramatic and unseemly manner involving much yelling, slamming, crying and pleas for intervention and redemption.
I love my girlfriends. They become my sistah friends and I am more than willing to be there for them and listen to the crying, complaining and deductions till there are no more words and tears are outnumbered by smiles and giggles, no matter how long it takes. Many shirts have been soaked through but still my shoulders are always ready to bear the rain.
Still there is one thing I will not abide and I found myself forcing this on my friend. Begging. A woman should never NEVER have to beg a man to stay with her. If she has to beg, the relationship has gone horribly wrong. If he stays, the time is short-lived before the next major catastrophe. It’s a sure sign of poor male character if he needs a woman to beg him for his attentions. A power-play that a woman of the modern era can not afford to waste time on.
In my limited relationship experience I can honestly say, I’ve only begged once and I don’t even really know why. I was very young and I probably thought that was the way it was supposed to be done. Breakups are supposed to be bad with one person begging and disintegrating into quivering goo, right? No. Once I put myself back together, I realized it was a waste of my time, energy and dignity. Not to mention, it gave him the power to continue to hurt and insult me. I chose to never do it again, and I have not.
When my marriage ended, I did not beg him to stay, but cleared the path for him to leave quicker. I have no doubt, he would have drug it out for an eternity if he could have. There was nothing for him to lose in dragging it out but much to gain. The two boyfriends I had before him (and after my begging episode), I also opened the door for them and shoved them out when they decided I could no longer meet their needs. As I viewed it, although my heart was broken and ripped to shreds, these men were also no longer able nor willing to give me what I needed. If they were to stay because I begged, the relationship would become solely about fulfilling their needs and no longer about whether I was happy. AND I WANT TO BE HAPPY!
A woman should never beg a man to stay. A good man won’t make her beg. A good man won’t leave her floating in the wind with unsaid words. I know they exist. I’ve seen them. They love the woman they are with. They love the family they make with her. They can’t imagine going through life without her and the world they created together. Potholes and roadblocks on the path of true love never sway them. They exist and would never make a woman they love beg him to stay.
My two friends have broken hearts right now, but they can heal and move forward. My one friend who found herself begging, now understands the full situation of begging someone to love her. There is no mystical “Love Potion” that can make someone fall in love when they don’t want to be. Best to share your broken heart with the family and friends who do love you than expose the rawness to the one who broke it. The one who broke it has no vested interest in mending it. When put in the situation of a man saying he can’t or won’t stay, or saying nothing at all, a woman should never beg. It does nothing but prolong the pain.