A Woman Should NEVER Beg

Once again I find myself more than willing to offer comfort to a friend in need. One friend’s new boyfriend has left her wondering what she did wrong and why he won’t even give her the courtesy of a real break up. He sent a text message saying they needed to talk yet he hasn’t said anything else since nor made time to “dump her” in person. He just faded away.
Another friend also recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend in a more dramatic and unseemly manner involving much yelling, slamming, crying and pleas for intervention and redemption.

I love my girlfriends. They become my sistah friends and I am more than willing to be there for them and listen to the crying, complaining and deductions till there are no more words and tears are outnumbered by smiles and giggles, no matter how long it takes. Many shirts have been soaked through but still my shoulders are always ready to bear the rain.

Still there is one thing I will not abide and I found myself forcing this on my friend. Begging. A woman should never NEVER have to beg a man to stay with her. If she has to beg, the relationship has gone horribly wrong. If he stays, the time is short-lived before the next major catastrophe. It’s a sure sign of poor male character if he needs a woman to beg him for his attentions. A power-play that a woman of the modern era can not afford to waste time on.

In my limited relationship experience I can honestly say, I’ve only begged once and I don’t even really know why. I was very young and I probably thought that was the way it was supposed to be done. Breakups are supposed to be bad with one person begging and disintegrating into quivering goo, right? No. Once I put myself back together, I realized it was a waste of my time, energy and dignity. Not to mention, it gave him the power to continue to hurt and insult me. I chose to never do it again, and I have not.

When my marriage ended, I did not beg him to stay, but cleared the path for him to leave quicker. I have no doubt, he would have drug it out for an eternity if he could have. There was nothing for him to lose in dragging it out but much to gain. The two boyfriends I had before him (and after my begging episode), I also opened the door for them and shoved them out when they decided I could no longer meet their needs. As I viewed it, although my heart was broken and ripped to shreds, these men were also no longer able nor willing to give me what I needed. If they were to stay because I begged, the relationship would become solely about fulfilling their needs and no longer about whether I was happy. AND I WANT TO BE HAPPY!

A woman should never beg a man to stay. A good man won’t make her beg. A good man won’t leave her floating in the wind with unsaid words. I know they exist. I’ve seen them. They love the woman they are with. They love the family they make with her. They can’t imagine going through life without her and the world they created together. Potholes and roadblocks on the path of true love never sway them. They exist and would never make a woman they love beg him to stay.

My two friends have broken hearts right now, but they can heal and move forward. My one friend who found herself begging, now understands the full situation of begging someone to love her. There is no mystical “Love Potion” that can make someone fall in love when they don’t want to be. Best to share your broken heart with the family and friends who do love you than expose the rawness to the one who broke it. The one who broke it has no vested interest in mending it. When put in the situation of a man saying he can’t or won’t stay, or saying nothing at all, a woman should never beg. It does nothing but prolong the pain.

Braving the storm, just to reach the rainbow. ~ Jess Haefner

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About Supovadea

Single Mom, Certified Rocket Scientist & Aerospace Engineer, Private Pilot, Amazon, Dancer, Writer, Eternal Optimist, Survivor, Dreamer, 2,910 NM ENE of where I belong.
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10 Responses to A Woman Should NEVER Beg

  1. jensine says:

    A good man won’t leave her floating in the wind with unsaid words … love that an yes that has happened to me and although i didn’t beg I did ask if he was sure. And now single and wnating to love nad be loved I wonder if I will ever find taht again. but begging no, never I mean to me than that

  2. Supovadea says:

    It is pretty crazy the things that happen when a relationship ends. Sense seems to go out the window. It also amazes me how many women share the story of a man just disappearing. I like to think of it as they are the ones who are too chicken to deal with a real woman. 😉 I too wonder if I’ll ever find true love but begging for it is an instant fail. Hope you find it when you are ready. Mahalo for the comment.

  3. Magda says:

    Sometimes you love so deeply, you are sure they have to feel the same way and you keep asking for repeated affirmations that you are no longer wanted, just to somehow change their mind after the 10th time u ask.

  4. valerie says:

    I loved my boyfriend so much dat even almost everyday I get to hear dat he is nt interested in me anymore.but I always get to beg him to love me I ve being doing this since march nd I neva wanted to leave him. All efforts to get him love me neva worked until he told me dis Nov dat he dosent love me. I feel very miserable nd tired of dis lyf.

    • Rachel says:

      you must never beg a man to stay in your life, no matter how hard it is to let go. Passionate people make mistakes, and then try to make amends for those mistakes. But this will only project you in a bad light-people will see you as an emo crazy woman. Move on. There are more fish in the pond. If you continue to beg, it not only takes away from your dignity, but also kills any chances of a possible future, if he were ever to review his decision of leaving you. No amount of begging, getting in touch with his friends etc etc is going to mend what has happened. Build your inner resources, focus on your work rather than feeling tired of this life.

      • smith says:

        No one should beg women or men to stay. However a smart woman will give her boyfriend a chance to to love her again not to beg her. If you show your man that you care, he will definitely cherish you. Just give him 1% he will give 99%

  5. machariaruth says:

    I agree with you. The last tym i begged a man to stay in my life I was more hurt n used to feel bad talking to him n he didn’t reply though he was jealous of me knowing his friends.when I finally let him go I discovered i lost myself in the process bt now all I do is wat makes me happy.

  6. Manda says:

    What if a man says he still loves you and madly inlove with you but can’t leave the mother of his child for the sake of the child? This man makes you happy in every possible way and whenever you fight and dump him he begs day and night until you take him back. But the mother if his child is still in the picture. What do you do if the situation is like that?

    • Supovadea says:

      Aloha Manda. Mahalo for your comment and question.
      I’m unsure of the specifics of your question, nor am I a relationship counselor. I can only say what I would do in certain situations. I can tell you that a man who says he’s staying with someone “because of the children” is selfish and using that as an excuse to have his cake and eat it too. The excuse is old and his choice of a polygamist lifestyle is neither because of nor the fault of a child. It’s all him.
      I’m unsure if you are asking me for a pass to be the “other woman” or if you have an open relationship with the mother as well. I won’t involve myself in the relationship choices of others. I can say my ex did not inform me of his as side piece whom he also used the same story of “staying for the sake of the child.” When I found out about her, I was not going to stay with him and that was also for the sake of my child. She deserves better than an unabashed polygamist for a father and a miserable mother.
      But as far as begging, I only know women should not beg. Women just have more to lose. Personally I don’t think anyone should beg. But if you always return when he begs, the cycle will continue and you may miss the opportunity to meet the one man who puts you first and makes you happy.

  7. A young woman that knows herself, but is still learning. says:

    Supovadea, I am a twenty-one (21) year old female. I will not give my name for certain reasons. I thank you for your post. It truly gave me an idea, insight, wisdom and more. I recently (yesterday) went through an experience where I caught the bus/public transportation to the guys house to try and reconcile due to him dumping me immaturely through the phone. I would not have cared about him doing so as much if I were only involved with him for a few months. However, him and I have been on and off for four and a half years (4 1/2). I got there only to find that he walked out of the house as soon as he saw me. He kept flipping me off yelling “I’m happier without you, just leave.” I thought that he would have sought to recognize my effort by catching the bus in the cold for about two (2) hours. But he kept justifying why he shut me out without the proper or mature “goodbye”. I found myself pleading with him to understand my efforts. He stayed, but I can’t help but feel like my integrity is compromised. I feel like I have shamed myself to even lower myself to beg. It feels horrible. The irony is, before I went to his house I prayed to God to command me and help me to stay true to myself and to accept things I cannot change whilst having a positive yet realistic outlook or view about everything concerning him. Him and I are still together, but how do I regain my integrity, dignity, and standards FULLY for myself again without feeling selfish?

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