I Don’t need a man

Lately, it seems more and more people in my world feel I “need” a man in my life. I’ve begun to wonder if maybe my friends are beginning to feel pity for my single life. I don’t know why, and I can easily be wrong. However, in the last few months, I’ve had people attempt to “set me up” with men they like for me. In a few cases, the unfortunate man has been told about me, but I was not made aware of the potential “set up.” The results have been disastrous as I naturally show no interest and a few times have been aggressive in my refusal.

Currently, I’m back in college. I’m pursuing my dream of a creative job in aerospace. This means I am surrounded by people much younger than myself. Although, it has been pointed out to me, many times, that I can easily “pass” for twenty-something, even I know that’s just physical. My day-to-day is overflowing with boys way too young for me to spend “intimate” time with. Although there are many within the twenty-something age group that can make me laugh and smile, there are none I have met that can stimulate me mentally. I find their attempts at winning my affections both flattering and cute. It’s always comforting to know, someone finds you attractive. However, most often I’m just flabbergasted by their “lines” and lack of creativity. “You’re cute. Can I have your number?” is a common line. I’m obviously, too old for that line to work on me. I’d rather be given a reason that I should want to give someone my number. A compliment is not enough.

Still, right now, I don’t “need” a man in my life. I don’t “need” another person that will be a draw on my limited time. I have an education and career I’m trying to expand and build. I have a young daughter I’m trying to educate and care for alone. I have a dream and I don’t want someone to come in and try to destroy it. I’m done with people who feel their ideas, actions and presence are more important than my dreams.

I will admit, to sometimes feeling lonely or wishing I had a “built-in date” like my married and attached friends. However the feeling is rare and fleeting. It normally happens, when I have the opportunity to “go out,” and I  begin the search for someone to enjoy the time with me. However, recently a friend set up an event I could attend. I was excited and mentioned I needed to find a date. My married friend reacted as if she was inconsiderate in planning something for me where I would need to find someone. No matter how much I tried to reassure her it wasn’t a problem, after all I’m single, she still felt as though I was complaining about being put upon as opposed to being thankful for the opportunity to go out. Having a “built-in date” would help alleviate such misunderstandings.

So what prompted this post? Another attack on my single-hood by a well-meaning family member. She says she feels sad that a woman like me “can’t find a good man to care for me.” Believe me when I say, I don’t want a man to “take care of me.” I want to take care of myself. Still, her sentiments are not unusual. I’ve heard often how people hope the “quality” of man in my area improves or that at some point the “right man” will make me happy. I just want to be happy with me. I don’t need someone else to make me happy or complete. But, when I protested to my family member that it is not the right time, she still insisted that I didn’t really know what I want. This may be true, but I do know that I want to finish my degree. I want to restart my career and have my own world in order that can not be adversely affected by anyone, again. I want to have my daughter happy and on the path to a bright future. As of this moment, I only see a man as getting in the way and not as a helper. Whenever I think it might be nice to have a man, I am reminded how much I hated working hard all day and coming home to clean, cook and organize someone else’s life while he sat on the couch and complained about how hard he had worked. Although I can cook and keep a traditional home, a “traditional” woman, I am not. Now the only person I am willing to cook, clean and organize for is my daughter.

It is not the right time for a man in my life. If “Mr. Right” came by today, the time is wrong which means he’d still be “Mr. Wrong.” I know my family and friends want the best for me, but right now that is not a man. I don’t NEED a man. I just need friends and companionship to keep me from turning into a shrew when the time is right for me.


About Supovadea

Single Mom, Certified Rocket Scientist & Aerospace Engineer, Private Pilot, Amazon, Dancer, Writer, Eternal Optimist, Survivor, Dreamer, 2,910 NM ENE of where I belong.
This entry was posted in Discovery, Soapbox and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to I Don’t need a man

  1. artourway says:

    I felt the same way you do when I met my husband 17 years ago this May.

    • Supovadea says:

      Congrats on your pending anniversary. Happy you found someone when the time was right. In June I’ll be celebrating my 4 year Dissolution Anniversary. Pretty happy about that, too.

  2. It’s good that you know what you want and need. Stay focused!

  3. Jenny says:

    This is a beautiful article. I can’t imagine the pain and anger of having done so much and still having so much to do, and expected of you, while someone else complains. I would hate that and I honestly do not want any part in it. I totally get doing it for your daughter, but never for a man. I am so proud of you for standing on your own two feet, and going for your dreams!
    Enjoy and never let go of your standards or your dreams (the guys won’t either, so it’s a complete waste of time and energy to lose yourself for them. For nothing.).

    • Supovadea says:

      Mahalo for the comment, Jenny. I appreciate you taking the time. When I look back on how hard things were, I am thankful I had the strength of mind to get through. It is sometimes hard, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. And now I’m prepping to start my graduate degree so I can go further in my career and support my daughter’s dreams even more. The time invested in myself is paying off.
      I hope you are experiencing the same joy of doing you as well, whether with someone or not. It pays off to focus on oneself for awhile.

      • Jenny says:

        I am so proud of you and I hope you remember to reflect on all your accomplishments without imposed modesty or explanations of how everyone else helped. Take a moment to really reflect on what you’ve accomplished for yourself, for your daughter, and for your future. I honestly have felt reminded of my values and my own value by reading this, and I could not thank you enough. Please do the same for yourself if/whenever you need it! I am so proud of you, and I don’t know you! So remember that, and don’t hesitate to look back here for extra motivation.

        I will do the same! I’m doing my best now, even though I’ve had struggles, and I’m making myself more and more independent each day. I know that the investment is worth it, and I am worth it, and beyond that, I am worth more than to not invest in myself.

        Have a beautiful day!

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