July 11, 2010. Happy Anniversary to ME!!
Today is my “Second Dissolution Anniversary” and I have something to celebrate. Another milestone in the “Infamous Adventure of Divorce” has finally been achieved.
During the entirety of my relationship with my ex-husband, I was the breadwinner, regularly gainfully employed and able to find work easily. My employers paid for our insurance and provided discounts at several retail and service establishments that made life much easier to maneuver. Everything from our mobile phones, auto insurance, gym memberships, mileage accounts and even entertainment venues was available to us at discounted rates due to my employment and social activities.
We were married in Hawai`i but divorced in Oregon. Oregon is a true “No Fault” divorce state. Circumstances leading to a divorce (such as infidelity, abuse and felonious crimes) are neither reviewed, nor hold any weight in the judgment. In other words, the actions performed by my ex-husband would not prevent him from asking for or receiving alimony. He was even granted the courtesy to hire any lawyer he deemed necessary, ON MY DOLLAR, should he require such. The court determined early on when I filed the petition for divorce that I could be legally responsible for any debt or hardship, incurred by my ex-husband and unless he agreed to take on any debt, I would gain the majority of it.
Thankfully, it never came to that. By maintaining my submissive demeanor and allowing him to take anything of monetary value he wanted, I was able to convince him to take all debt held in his name and half the debt incurred by the birth of my daughter. I wasn’t greedy. I just wanted my daughter and the cats; the living, non-liquidable “assets.”
Compared to the drama of the previous year, our divorce was surprisingly quick and relatively uneventful once I was financially able to start the process. I filed May 26th and registered for the required “Parenting” classes immediately. He moved out June 1st. I luckily was able to attend the next “Parenting” class. My ex-husband didn’t register to attend any class sessions within the court ordered time providing me the opportunity to submit a request for an expedition on June 21st when I completed the class. The divorce was final July 11, 2008. I received my copy of the decree with a valid judge’s signature at 4:15 pm.
When I picked up the decree from my lawyer, I was reminded of the “Dependent Spouse Alimony” clause in an uncontested divorce where the Breadwinner is the petitioner. The clause grants the “Dependent” spouse the right to request a review and petition the court for alimony should they be unable to maintain the lifestyle they had become accustomed to. If after 2 years the “Dependent” spouse has not contacted the court and requested a review AND petitioned, the “Dependent” spouse will be deemed self sufficient and the right to petition for alimony will be annulled.
So now, officially, TWO YEARS LATER, I can wholeheartedly say, I am HAPPILY DIVORCED and am NO LONGER responsible for his well being, his future, his ANYTHING.
True, he still owes me money for debt he agreed to pay and he owes a boat load of back child support, so I can’t say I’m truly free of the past, just yet. But I know now, as of this moment, I’m free to have my own future.