I don’t know what a good father is. I’ve never experienced the love of a good father. I see men who love their families in a way that seems unreal to me and I am awed. It’s an all consuming love where they support their wives, attend their children’s events and openly hug, hold and play with their children. I envy it. I didn’t have a loving, attentive or interested father. I had a criminal in that role who took full advantage of the immature domestic laws of the 80’s. My daughter doesn’t have a loving, attentive or interested father. He is a sociopath whom we were protected from only by the domestic laws of the 21st century.
So for Father’s Day, I offered my praise and thanks to all Fathers who are actually fully invested in their families and the single mothers who are doing it all alone. I got a little friendly push back from some fathers which wasn’t a surprise. But I got some surprisingly aggressive complaints from some single moms. I had expected the fathers to grumble. But the single moms took me by surprise. But, as I listened to their complaints, I began to notice a basic theme.
Each woman said the same thing: that they were their children’s mother and that their children have a father.
To me, the key phrase is “have a father.” I understood what these mothers were saying to me in a way they didn’t quite understand. When I offered my praise to the single moms who are doing it all alone, I actually wasn’t talking about single moms who share in the parenting of their children. I was talking about single moms like me: Moms raising children who DO NOT HAVE FATHERS. By this I don’t mean women who had immaculate conceptions, but women who have children who do not have an involved, loving, attentive father figure in the home or anywhere else. We are women who do not share parenting duties with anyone. We can’t tell someone else to handle anything, or even entertain the hope that someone else will step in and help out. There is no visitation. There are no weekends off. In many cases there is no financial support from another. We are truly doing it ALONE!
To the moms that get to experience the joy and tribulations of a joint parenting situation, I recognize you on Mother’s Day, as I also recognize the single fathers who are raising children without a mother figure in the home. For Father’s Day, I stand by my decision to recognize the fathers who are truly fully invested in their families and the single moms who are doing it all ALONE.
In honor of great fathers, I found this video of a friend of mine whom I know to be a great father. He is fully invested in his children, their future and the love of his family. I salute you Miles Topping. You are a great father, and I love this video of you and your son.